Because of you I spent the majority of my life hating the vessel I occupy. Never skinny enough, never muscular enough, never curvy enough, never enough by your ever-changing standards and body ideals.
Because of you, my eating disorder was valid, glorified, envied. Because of you, my behaviors were interpreted as “healthy” and my failing bodily functions were a “mystery.”
Because of you, I let the desire for a “perfect” shape, size, weight and aesthetic control my life, my careers, my relationships.
Because of you, I allowed my worth to be defined by the size clothes I wore or my ass to waist ratio.
Because of you, I let myself become so weak and malnourished that I couldn’t fight back when I was sexually assaulted.
Because of you, I spent thousands of dollars and risked jobs and my family’s mental health trying to find “cures” - cutting carbs, cutting sugars, juice cleanses, all the things you said were necessary - when a real cure was healing my trauma and learning self-love.
You occupied so much of my life that I have now made it my life’s mission to destroy your existence.
Please fear me.
Love, Jackie
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